Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Dating Game

I wish I'd had the presence of mind to record the conversation today at work when the subject of dating came up. Consider this: three middle-aged people, two straight, one gay, two women, one man. Creative, independent, erudite. (Translate to: picky.) All currently single. And from the looks of it, the prospects for the single gay man appear to be about even with the prospects for the straight women: next to nothing. (Or no one.) As I like to say, there are not exactly great herds of 50-something single men roaming the streets.

What is a girl (or guy) to do?

The default option these days is online dating, but even those sites tend to be eye-rollers now. I met my most recent spouse on match.com, and that ended up being a disaster. And now, eight years later: the pickins are slim. (And when did these men all get so old-looking?!!)

From what I can see, most age-appropriate straight men on Match desire a package-deal-woman containing the following traits:

1. Must love walks on the beach.
2. Must love a glass of wine by the fire.
3. Must be financially stable.
4. Must not have any "baggage".
5. Must not be a drama-queen.

My requirements for Mr. Right are, um, different:

1. Must have a sense of humor.
2. Must be able to pay his own bills.
3. Must appreciate drama.
4. "Baggage", which I like to refer to as "luggage", is fine. (If he doesn't have any, then he hasn't lived.
5. Must laugh at my puns.
6. Extra points if he knows the difference between a Bordeaux and a Sauvignon Blanc. Fire optional.
7. Extra points for correctly conjugating the verbs in his profile.
8. Extra points for not posting a photo of himself astride his Harley, wearing a baseball cap. (Flashing red light: BALD.) Own up, men! And ditch the macho motorcycle!

I figure if I post a profile with those requirements, my chances of snagging a man are next to nil. The good ones? Already spoken for, or dead.

Best possible scenario: he comes knocking at my door.
I know: I'd better dream on.

In the meantime,
I'm right here:

11 comments:

  1. You should move here! More single men than you can imagine! lol Loved your list and what a great photo of you! You look so-ooo young! Cheers!

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  2. Best of luck, T! I just can't see myself doing the online dating thing--& frankly sometimes--quite often, actually--I think that I have far too much baggage at this point to reasonably expect anyone to wish to incorporate that as part of her life. But maybe if you look at it as potential fun & grist for the mill, then it won't be so bad :)

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  3. Marguerite: I'm on my way!

    (And I LOVE Louisiana.)

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  4. John, the humor potential here is enormous. Thanks for the reminder!

    T.

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  5. I'd respond if I were a straight forty-eight year old man as opposed to -- well -- me.

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  6. May I add 'know how to hold a knife and fork properly', and 'know the difference between there, they're, and their'. Strange, but all the things that are important (to me) have nothing to do with physical attractiveness. But then, I ain't lookin'.

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  7. I used to have a long list of the ideal attributes of "the someone". Over the years I have reduced these to 1. a pulse, 2. honesty and 3. a character & personality of some sort. OK, 4. reasonably clean too!

    That's about all I can offer so it's about all I can "demand" in return. p.s. If you think you live in a social desert - try Lincolnshire!

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  8. That is a great photo!

    Love, C.

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  9. it's just a cup of coffee...
    and you just never know.

    but def stay away from the guys with Harleys.

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  10. You suit hats, T, and they suit you. xo

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