Monday, April 23, 2012

A Remedy

As medical bills once again begin their upward spiral chez-moi, as a privately-insured citizen I suggest that Costco — known for volume discounts — get into the healthcare business.

Imagine this: while shopping for your gallon-jar of salsa and 24-pack of toilet paper, you could also pick up a six-pack of knee replacements — instructional DVD included! You could share the extras with friends and family, or save them for yourself. Fast and convenient, without the hassle of a hospital stay!

Need some talk-therapy? Not a problem: Costsco can offer a 12-session (what most insurance plans in this country cover) DVD that you can use IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME. When you feel the need to speak, just press "pause", and you can talk for as long as your heart desires. And the best part: you can use it over and over again.

How about this, available only in February: buy one human heart, get one human heart free. For an additional fee, installation could be arranged.

And for issues dealing with infertility, a septic pack of fertilized human eggs could be marketed in the refrigerated case beside the 48-packs of fresh chicken eggs. Easy! Long shelf life! No need to check expiration dates!

It's sick — I know — but then, so is our healthcare industry. 


  1. we've really got it all wrong in this country, don't we?

    how's this for an idea - instructional DVDs on self-administered CPR? Now, there's a waste of money....but I bet some would buy it!

  2. Omg Tara, I just posted this!

    And of course I'm laughing my head off at the absurdity of your comment.

  3. I think I just posted a comment on your FB page to the effect that Monsieur Mitt Romney would have us all shop for healthcare coverage. Maybe you could get a position on his team with this brilliant idea!

  4. Healthcare back in the UK is FREE, but if one day we are required to pay, then I think it should be the government who issue the cover. I don't think anyone would begrudge them a few pounds a year in exchange for good health service.

  5. Way too close to the mark. And during lunch, when they hand out the samples (do they still do that?) there could be product demos. A healthcare system that is de-facto euthanasia, or so it seems. Will you all just go. away. now.

  6. T., Costco has health insurance. Long ugly URL alert:|55291|55489&N=4018295&Mo=1&No=1&Nr=P_CatalogName:BC&cat=55489&Ns=P_Price|1||P_SignDesc1&lang=en-US&Sp=C. And now I'll spare you my "Why don't the members of Congress, the governments, etal. try buying their own private insurance--yeah, just try it" rant.

  7. Elizabeth, great idea! I'm sure Mittens would love it. I'll have my people call his people and see what we can put together. Ha.

  8. Cro, do you go back to England for your healthcare? I hear France has a pretty decent system also. You are lucky.

  9. Marylinn, they could hand out sample breast implants or perhaps sample kidneys. The possibilities are endless.

    But you're right: waaayyy too close to the mark. Scary.

  10. Joannie, I've checked into the Costco health insurance plan, and it was no bargain. Same old same old for us privately-insured citizens.

    I wish the rant did some good.