Tuesday, December 20, 2011


My computer is achingly slow. I come here to respond to comments and the whole damn thing goes Rainbow Wheel. So that's my excuse.

Edging closer to Christmas, the solstice. Can it just be spring already?

I'm theorizing that if I can just keep cooking I can get through this year. Three more months to come full circle, to begin what will be my new year. This grieving sometimes gets its teeth into my neck, the bones of the vertebrae, and shakes me until I'm ready to fall down. And damn it if I just don't crawl back up. One millimeter at a time. Slowly slowly slowly.

Yesterday I hung old glass ornaments on the skeletal pink dogwood arching above the sidewalk. Some are handblown and not old, and if they're stolen, may they find a good home.

Riles has cassoulet on the stove, and I just pulled two loaves of sourdough baguette from the oven. Old friends -- from the beginning of time I do believe -- are coming to share in the feast.

I don't really know how to be divorced.


  1. Dear T., as a very distant observer, I'd say that you seem to be more cheerful this winter than last. Have a wonderful Christmas & enjoy the pleasures around you. sp

  2. I can't imagine -- and then I can. You are doing a fine job at least here online! Cheers to you, many happy meals forward and onward --

  3. 3 great words in your blog today T. Food, Cassoulet, and Sourdough. Lordy lordy.

  4. T: I would say that "your" year can begin any time you want it to. This is a hard time of the year I think under the best of circumstances--try sinking back onto the buoying cloud of your friends, whether 3-D friends, long distance friends, cyber friends--all of them. That's why I've been trying to do. It really helps!

    Best wishes!

  5. T, I've been AWOL from the blogosphere for a long time. I'm sorry to hear that you've been troubled, and I hope that the new year brings you renewed happiness and peace.

  6. your last line really got to me in that place where it's hard to swallow. i had a lot of trouble with that, myself. i think it's a label that does not need to be taken on. honestly, it seems to belong to another era, divorcees, an odd misshapen category. fuck it. you moved on. (and you have...). have a lovely, joyful Christmas, T. food is a fine way to salvation!

  7. The smell and bustle of making good food, listening to good music, surrounded by your loving family and friends, in YOUR OWN HOUSE -- that's got to help a lot.

    Neverthless, it's hard, gluing together the shards of a broken heart. Not to mention how long it can take ....

    Love, C.