Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Other Woman

It never fails to stun me when a woman betrays another woman. I don't care what the story is, the bottom line is: we are sisters. We are sacred. We honor each other, and we honor the relationships that each of us nurture, and that sustain us. Period.

Recently I rendez-vous-ed with a high school friend who I hadn't seen for many years. She told me that her ex-husband left her for her best friend. WHAT???!!!! I was dumbfounded. What woman would do this? Is any man worth this?

The answer is a resounding "NO!" I don't care how "in love" you profess to be with someone else's husband, you just don't do this. End of story.

No matter what he tells you about how bad his relationship is, remember that you are hearing it through his filter. There is no way of knowing just what kind of damage your hijinx may prove to cause. And another thing -- if he can cheat on his current wife to dilly-dally with you, you can be certain, and I mean certain, that he'll do the same to you. It's just a matter of time.

So women, if you're entertaining this idea, let it go. Not. Worth. It.
Consider your own sense of self-respect.
Consider the potential for long-term harm down the line, and on and on. The fall-out from your actions most likely will go farther and hurt deeper than what/who you can, at this time, imagine.

If you are reading this, and feel perhaps just a little uncomfortable, well then perhaps you should feel a lot more uncomfortable. Yes, I'm talking to you.

And shame again.


  1. And, I sorry to say, it works exactly the same with men. I can't tell you how many times I've heard of so called 'best friends' going off with a man's wife. Zero tolerance!

  2. It boggles the mind how csreless people can be. Even in the lesbian world, I've been cheated on and it hurts like bloody hell.

    I can't imagine what rationale cheaters use to condone their can they hold their head up in the world?

    You said it perfectly.

  3. Cro, so sad all around.

    Men and women.

  4. Tara, I knew you'd get this.



  5. I remember, a long time ago, listen to a (single) woman say that any man was 'fair game'. She said, if they wanted to play, she didn't care if they were in a relationship/married/whatever. Needless to say, I distanced myself there and then. Obviously someone with no respect - for others or herself.

  6. Cheaters see it all very differently than those who are cheated on.

    Cheaters say, "Why would anybody try to hang on to someone who doesn't love her/him anymore? Why don't they just let go? It's the intelligent, mature thing to do. It's not my fault. It was already broken before I came along. Besides, she never understood him. She's lazy, mean, crazy, blahblahblah. I'm not her sister ....

    They really do see it like that -- until they in turn are cheated on. But most of all, the one being cheated on really has no reality to the one who is participating in breaking the victim's heart. Except -- when it's your best friend or even -- this has happened to a friend of mine -- your own freakin' sister!

    The cheaters and the cheated on are living in entirely different worlds, with entirely different rules, objectives and perceptions.

    So asking those questions never get anyone anywhere. Yet we all will keep asking these same questions, the cheaters and the cheated on, until the end of time since we've been asking them since the beginning of time.

    It is remarkable how the rhetoric of infidelity is the same across time, across culture, from both the cheaters and the cheated on.

    Hugs, my dear --

    Love, C.

  7. Most of all though, it is the cheating husband to whom we should be directing those questions, not the other woman. There wouldn't be other women if wasn't for the dork telling her she's the most special one.

    Though over the years of observation I have encountered a minority of women for whom breaking up a marriage is a goal and making trouble between people is an achievement. They are the minority though.

    Mostly though it's women who see it as he's better than where they are situated now.

    Grand passion it also seems to me to be a distinctly small percentage of those engaged in infidelity.

    Like with David Byrne -- which came as such a shock to us -- his wife, the mother of his children -- was perfect in any way. But -- "I am unhappy in my life. I am unhappy with me. So I'm divorcing her." It had nothing to do with her, all with him and monumental selfishness. He changed his marriage as if he was changing the style of his performance, as part of changing his style of performance. He doesn't seem particularly happier though.

    Love, C.

  8. Foxessa,

    To respond to your words:
    Most of all though, it is the cheating husband to whom we should be directing those questions....

    All in good time, my dear.


  9. Yes. It's the most anger-making thing, how freakin' long it takes for the victim of infidelity to feel like a normal person again. All this time and energy has been thieved by the cheater and accomplice -- moreover time and energy that they don't even care about!

    Love, C.

  10. meno -- thanks for stopping by. (And after reading your blog, I see that we have a LOT in common....)

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