I've been subjected to teasing, periodically, because of my habit of reading the daily obituaries in the local newspaper. But gems like this make it all worth while:
"(The deceased) fancied keeping a stockpile of pens, laundry detergent, dish soap, Kleenex and hand sanitizer, and anyone close to him knows that (the deceased) always had hand sanitizer in his pocket."
Keep in mind that one is charged by the word for these obituaries.
When my mother passed away, I was assigned the task of writing and placing the notice of her death in the two local rags. The smaller of the two, published in the town where she lived most of her adult life, offered a free obituary, with the stipulation that they publish her age. Age was a closely guarded secret among Mom's vast network of friends -- and she was blessed with a rather youthful 85-year-old visage, all things considered. It didn't occur to me until right now that I could've lied about her age.... I did opt for the free obituary, and I'm certain there was more than one member of St. Anthony's Altar Society (seated directly behind the family at the funeral mass, each proudly sporting her official Altar Society insignias) thinking, she was that old?!