I've been pondering the possible meanings of the story I related previously about the lost earrings and the white rabbit. Although I prefer to relate to the world through the eyes of science, the poet/dreamer/Scorpio in me is never quick to discount an otherness, if you will, in our existence. I recall a conversation with a prominent pediatric neurologist twenty years ago who stated that we know so little of the human brain. That said, the possibilities abound for alternatives in belief, or additional beliefs. Unproven, yet when experienced, has the effect of making one proclaim I do believe.
In the hours before my first husband's unexpected death, I lay in bed and planned his funeral, with absolutely no knowledge that about the time I drifted off to sleep, he was involved in a fatal car accident. In fact, fully expecting to be awakened in the night by a knock on the door by the authorities, I laid out my bathrobe for quick access. At 2am, all was confirmed: two representatives from the police department and a minister. My physical shaking was as much from shock as from the acknowledgment to myself that I knew this was coming. How to explain this? Or, perhaps, not necessary to explain. Awareness might be sufficient.
A phrase has been repeating itself to me this week:
keep your eyes open; you never know what you will hear.
And, conversely, keep your ears open so that you may see.
Lord knows what it was I uttered when I squatted down
to sidewalk level and chatted with the white rabbit.
Most likely nonsense syllables -- just how does one
entreat a rabbit to come closer? But what I know
is that I said something, the rabbit's ears pricked,
and during that few-second connection I saw
the setting sun glint the edge of my lost gem.
And a note to the universe: send a white rabbit any day, but please keep the funeral arrangements secret until a more appropriate time
I'm always in awe of how the brain works. I just wish the internal dialogue would go away sometimes!
ReplyDeleteAnd T, you know I live in the country; I'll always think of you now when I see a rabbit in the middle of the road!
The events on the night of your husband's death gave me chills. Amazing story. Yes, an otherness, indeed.
ReplyDeleteThat story about your husband is so incredible and horrible, all at the same time! So sorry for your loss, T. The power of the mind is so amazing. Sometimes, I get very strong premonitions about things, and then it happens, and it freaks me out!
ReplyDeleteOh, my, T. Words fail me.
ReplyDeleteOne of my family's traditions/superstitions is to say 'White Rabbit' twice on the first day of every month. These have to be the first words spoken on the morning in question (or presumably the magic doesn't work).
ReplyDeleteIf something goes wrong with a family member, I always ask if they forgot to say 'White rabbit, white rabbit'.
Anything to do with white rabbits gets my vote. Bisou, Cro.
some things cannot be explained. there is indeed so much we don't know, and our existence is mysterious and unfathomable. how incredible that you knew his death was coming -- I cannot imagine.
ReplyDeleteI've got some weird tales myself, but I'll save them for now. That story of the earrings blew my mind.
There is more to us than we know.
ReplyDeleteHave we forgotten or have we never learned?
Love, C.
Dear T.Clear - I had a very similar experience of 'premonitory knowing' when my brother died... like you, the shock & trembling I felt when the phone call came was about the loss of him as well as a feeling of awe (and distress) that some part of me had known this was coming and had been preparing for the news of his death. I have found it comforting to think that perhaps my heightened awareness of him during the period before he died meant he was accompanied to the end.
ReplyDeleteLove to you - L, C x
Claire, so sorry for the loss of your brother. And I like your take on it -- that perhaps "he was accompanied to the end" -- indeed comfort. Thanks for sharing this here.
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