Saturday, January 22, 2011


I've been subjected to teasing, periodically, because of my habit of reading the daily obituaries in the local newspaper. But gems like this make it all worth while:

"(The deceased) fancied keeping a stockpile of pens, laundry detergent, dish soap, Kleenex and hand sanitizer, and anyone close to him knows that (the deceased) always had hand sanitizer in his pocket."

Keep in mind that one is charged by the word for these obituaries.

When my mother passed away, I was assigned the task of writing and placing the notice of her death in the two local rags. The smaller of the two, published in the town where she lived most of her adult life, offered a free obituary, with the stipulation that they publish her age. Age was a closely guarded secret among Mom's vast network of friends -- and she was blessed with a rather youthful 85-year-old visage, all things considered. It didn't occur to me until right now that I could've lied about her age.... I did opt for the free obituary, and I'm certain there was more than one member of St. Anthony's Altar Society (seated directly behind the family at the funeral mass, each proudly sporting her official Altar Society insignias) thinking, she was that old?!


  1. That is the most odd obit...and funny. I wrote the obit for my wife's grandfather a couple of years ago, and was shocked how much it cost to publish. But oh well, whaddya gonna do?

    Now, see, if I were your mom I'd be proud to announce I was 85, especially if I looked younger than that. I love the image of her old pals sitting behind you with their insignias, astounded.

  2. I don't really understand why people stop being truthful about their age. Once women get to about 27 they simply think of an age they'd like to be!

    I know a woman (over 60) who refused to admit her real age, in order to qualify for a reduced price 'Ski Lift Pass'. Now that really was bonkers!