Sunday, October 30, 2011


Getting into the trenches, the deep deep archival depths, on the borderlands of gravity. Reaching up to top shelves and pulling down the reams of legal paperwork from seven, eight years ago, nearly puking at the language, the presumptions of people that I paid $$$ to drive away demons. (And who were not really all that successful.)

So out I went with my box of baggage, to the fire pit which hasn't been lit yet since I've returned to B-Street. I sat in the nearly-dark and lit the whole of it, sent flaring paper-fluff & embered bits high into the air until it all vanished. The rain held back save for a drop or three. Warm enough to go coatless. No cats.

What pleasure to be done with it -- that box of saved damages, the evidence of a life prior to the most recent undoing: the layers and layers upon which a life is stacked. I must say it's teetery here at these heights, but I'm feeling an approaching balance, albeit faint as yet, and tinged with smoke, fogged at the edges.

Consider this:

The words solitary and solace both contain the word sol.
(And precariously close to the word soul!)
(The sun each of us holds within.)


I'll be 55 in a week, and would not have guessed that I'd be rebuilding a life at this age. But then, the surprise of sorrow may as easily be the surprise of joy: equally possible.

I say Bring It On.


  1. From someone else who has started re-building almost from scratch at 55: my heartfelt best wishes :)

  2. John, my best back to you.

    Glad you're here, there.

    Wishing you joy.

  3. Thanks so much! I'm still operating under the "it's always darkest before the dawn" principle, but mostly I'm keeping the faith.

  4. Old baggage can weigh heavy... better burned.

    I still felt young at 55, as I'm sure you do. It's all in the mind.

  5. Out with the old and in with the new. 55 is not old...passed that one long long ago. You are still a spring chicken.

  6. I'm all for letting go of the past, as least the physical things. The mental things I struggle with much more. Before I left my house I burned all my wedding photos, there weren't many, my husband too cheap to hire a photography. Maybe he knew it wouldn't last:)

    I turn fifty in less than a year. It seems to be the age to start over. And happy birthday in a week.

  7. Fire is so cleansing...send all that negative energy out into the Universe where it can be diluted and dispersed into insignifigance.
    55 will be a good year.